So after the decision to apply for the Torrid Model Search, I have felt quite the change in my mental attitude. I feel happier and more confident. And it is a great feeling! I do not know what was stopping me from not feeling this way about myself sooner! Now all I have to do is keep up this feeling. I have been tracking all of my food, doing quite a lot of walking over the weekend, and feel great. (Even if I stayed up way to late last night watching Grey’s Anatomy on Netflix last night)
It has me thinking about confidence and how it plays such a large part of who we are and how we act. How while I hate it when I get told I should have more confidence in myself I hate it more when I realize how right people are when I am. I feels amazing not questioning myself in what I do, what I wear, and what I weight. It is defiantly a feeling I do not want to forget anytime soon.
I just hate how it is so much easier to say that you are going to always be confident than it is to actually always be confident. Like yesterday, looking in the full length mirror, I felt awesome! I was decked in Red, White, and Blue for Memorial Day and I was ready to take selfies-for-days. But then I took the selfie and all I saw a small head over huge shoulders and gigantic boobs. My high was instantly over. I posted no pictures, that just seconds before I was asking my sister to take to post a OOTD photo. Haveing confidence in so hard to gain and so easy to lose. But I have to remember that all the work to get it is worth it.
So be confident even if you do not feel it or think it is possible. I may not always work, I sure doesn’t for me. But I have to belive that it gets easier, that it will be better. We have to try.
Hope you have a wonderful day.
So far this week I have had ups and downs. It started with my receiving an email from Torrid (the plus size clothing store). They are doing another Model Search! This is the third time they have given this opportunity to becoming a face of Torrid. In the past I have been told, by my mother of all people, that I should apply but I never felt that I was good enough. So this year when I received the email, I decided that I was going to apply. And I am so nervous about it. I am more nervous about actually getting into the top ten than not getting in at all. But we shall see. I will know in September if I actually got in!
Than there was yesterday… So first off at the school I work in, my students are taking a health class. And we are talking nutrition. Which is great! I want my students to know about how to eat well, and stay healthy. What I do not like is that I feel singled out by the teacher. It could be that I am just sensitive to the subject and think that everyone is trying to let me know I am fat and need to lose weight, or it could be that the teacher is judgemental and is trying to give me a hint. Either way I am not comfortable in class. So uncomfortable that I felt that I needed to comfort myself with … you guessed it Food! I ate MacDonald’s yesterday 😦 And I really enjoyed it but then the guilt set in like usual. That and I ate Ice Cream, chocolate and an open bag of Veggie Straws. I did go on the first bike ride I have been on in years that I did not hate every minute of it. I actually cannot wait to go again!
So It has been an up and down week so far, and I am going to try to do better the rest of the week. Which I hope I can do, especially since I am chaperoning a trip to Six Flags on Friday with the chorus from my school. I am very excited to go, but nervous about how I am going to eat on that day. But we shall see…
Hope you all have a fantastic day!